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(TW: sexual violence, coersion)

(Image by Alana Doberstein)

By Alana Doberstein

Under that

Damp stare

You don’t act

Like you care

Despite your phony words

My droning “entrepreneur”

With a razor blade tongue

You say I’m the crazy one

Guess it makes it more fun

For you

When you think you’re right

And I’ve nothing left

To fight

Vulnerability on my sleeve

I lose everything that’s me

Your vinegar’s in my veins

Inquisitor to my own disdain

You don’t stay in your lane

When you kiss me on your pedestal

Saying I’m too skeptical

People like you don’t get people like me

People like you set off sirens of dread

People like you never get in my head

But under that hued light, my brain has grown tired

Empty calls for nothing as I wilt into your secret fire

Talk down to me, darling

You know nobody hears my calling

Mother knows, and mother says

I’m just a little girl

Who’s lost her head

Little can she see the loving leeches in command

A glass body once caressed

Now rests putty under you

As you almost lose all over again

What pressure?

What pressure?

I know that you’re mocking me

I know you don’t understand me

Lusty only in the moment

Wish you loved me when not masochistic

Those holy scolds are so sadistic

Sighing, I say yes

I used up my no’s yesterday

Today I’m an ashtray

For if you get suspicious

I risk a malicious stare

You’ll call me a liar

And say I don’t care

Crystalized pressure

A prize for your pleasure

Can’t cry out of diamond eyes

My no’s lie silent, beckoned on by lies

How compliant I’ve become

All dressed up at the muzzle of your gun

You’ve got a hasty taste for virtue

Wishing I was chaste for your pursuit

I’ll undress for you

If we have nothing else to do

Meaty hands moist all for a lonely toy

Tender loins ready for you to pick and destroy

A self proclaimed soldier

Muddying me all over

I let you touch my spine

I lose my place to hide

Under your spotlight

I crawl into that hued light

Concealing my humiliation

When you call my name

All dressed up for all I disdain

Devouring screws

Is an hourly ruse

For the sore loser of New York

You love your pitchfork

Poised with my flaws

Exploited for your own applause

What misconstrued notions

Ridded with a ridiculous devotion

When a no made me too innocent

I swallowed all our differences

You get off on my ignorance

You wish I was your instrument

What a dull predicament

Funny that you think you’re worth it

That you think you’re so deserving

In my eyes you’re not a man

Have I ruined your perfect plan?

In my eyes you’re just a boy

Hunting for a lonely toy

You won’t lose me to exposure

I own this story in full disclosure


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